The ugly side of weight loss

You clicked on it because you're wondering. What? How is there an ugly side to weight loss? Its all fun and daffodils and butterflies and all things filled with pixie dust, right?

Wrong.

I've touched on this before but not really put my heart into it. So. Here goes.

When I was 260 pounds and decided to start losing weight, I thought that since I wasn't doing it drastically like getting gastric bypass or a lap band that things would gradually just come out to be what they were before. Sure, it was naive but I had seen others gain weight with pregnancies and they didn't look bad after they lost the baby weight.  I thought that since I was taking the gradual and natural approach that things would reshape along the way.



They didn't.

The fact of the matter is, I have stretchmarks. I have a lot of stretchmarks. I have them on my upper arms, my sides, my stomach, my thighs. The places where I carried the most weight when I was heavier. My stomach looks like a deflated balloon. I haven't seen what a normal belly button was supposed to look like in about 13 years. I had started gaining weight right after high school, so its been some time.

At first, I was extremely hesitant to wear any clothes that showed off anything. For instance; tank tops, strapless shirts, blouses that their sleeves were too high up on my arm. I shopped for clothes that accentuated what my figure looked like after the weight loss.

But.

That didn't change the way I feel about the way I look. I've been told by so many people that I am amazing. I don't feel amazing. I feel like a girl who is walking around with about 5 pounds of extra skin disbursed on my body. I feel uncomfortable. Its hard to describe. I know I am healthier, my appearance better, I can wear smaller pants. The mental aspect of losing weight is something no one prepares you for.

I went about my business. I exercised, I ate better. I lost weight. In the mirror, my appearance changed. My clothing size changed. My mental viewpoint after looking in the mirror for 10 years at my overweight self didn't change. I thought that after I got down to what I refer to as my 'fighting weight' that I would come to grips with it. I can say that I am in a better position than I was 4 years ago, but I am not where I want to be.

I ran across this article the other day on CNN. It makes me know that I'm not alone. Half: One woman's struggle

If you have lost a lot of weight- I do know a handful of people that are in the upper echelons as I am with weight loss- know you aren't alone. We did do something amazing. We lost the average weight of an adult person. That is amazing.

Its a hard thing to grasp on to; the thought of yourself accomplishing an amazing feat. Its one I am still learning to accept. Its one that I am working through every day. It may sound like I don't appreciate what I've done; which isn't the case at all. I do appreciate it. I am just trying to work through every day to accept it. This is the new me. It might not look like the old me, but its a better me. I find myself today better educated on food choices. On activities that will help me achieve what I need instead of what I want. If I could go back and tell the 19 year old me not to eat what I did so I'd never have gone through this, I don't know that I would.

Its been a struggle in perseverance.

Dedication.

Strength.

I've been told that I'm headstrong. That I'm the strongest person that people know...
But even with this strength that I've been able to project...
I struggle every day.

It was a life changing experience. It was a positive experience. It made me realize how much that I can do if I put my mind to it.