Patience

I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day. This is how the conversation went.

Friend: Well, maybe if my lunch plans fall through, we can go grab a sandwich for lunch
Me:      I'm gross. My hair isn't done and I'm fat.
Friend: Take a shower.
Me:      I did and the fat didn't wash off. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.



I know patience is a virtue. But, whomever came up with that saying obviously has more patience than me. I mean, I'm one of those people that if I have a gift for someone I need to give it to them .42 seconds after I buy it. I almost don't even want to wrap it. I just want to hand it to them. I think I'm more excited than them half the time, but such is life.

I was thinking today on my walk. I've been walking about 2.5 miles each morning, before it gets hotter than the devils butthole outside (I live in Phoenix). I use this time to relax, regroup... think of ME and all of the wonderful things I can do to make me a happier me. One of them is walking. I used to run quite a bit (for fitness and to clear my head), but given that I am still getting over this forsaken illness... I'm content with walking 2.5 miles in 45 minutes. This is me being as patient as I can about doing things. If I knew I could run and run well enough not to get jello legs and fall down in a fiery spill meant only for movies, I would. Its that part of me that says, "get the hell up, no one can do this...only you". I settle for walking. Thats the one good thing I've always had; I can walk all day long.

See, I used to be really active before I had my accident. I mountain biked, snowboarded (not that well, but I did it) I ran, I worked full time, I went to school full time. It was easy to keep my weight where I wanted it when I didn't have a chance to sit down. I remember when I was on break from school, it was like this feeling of impending doom to sit and have absolutely nothing to do. Well, fast forward a few months and here I am. At home, jobless and just barely am I able to clean the house, walk around the grocery store and now; I've walked 5 miles in two days.

Patience.

For everyone that is trying to lose weight, you need patience. You need patience to understand that it isnt going to come off really quickly. It took time to put it on for me - probably about 3-4 years and it took just as long to come off. It took 2 months for this extra weight to get put on, its probably going to take just as long to come off.

Patience.

You know, its the one thing you lack when it comes to eating. Or unwrapping that piece of candy. Or cutting that piece of cake. Going through the drive through because you don't want to walk into the place to get food/coffee. Getting pissed in traffic.

Patience.

That is one thing that I've definitely had to learn to accept being sick. Patience for Dr's that didn't give a crap. Patience for treatment. Patience for the medications to work. Patience in understanding that society as a whole does not accept people with disabilities (I had developed spasmodic dysphonia, a speech disorder after the accident because of the swelling in my vocal chords). Patience that my life is not what it was and will need to have patience to understand it will take time and effort to get back to where I once was.

So I tell all of you... if I have had the patience and fortitude to not only lose 120 lbs on my own, work full time, go to school full time and drive all over the city to get things done, to being pushed in a wheel chair, not being able to speak very well to being able to will myself to get up, clean the house and go on walks- YOU CAN TOO. You need to find whatever it is in you and grab it. DO NOT LET GO.

I leave you with this lyric from the song "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele

"...There's a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark...Don't underestimate the things that I will do".