a little inspiration for you...

Today is a big day for me. You know why? Transformers 3 comes out and I get to go with one of my good  buddies to see it! Its something more than a movie to me. I don't share this story with a lot of people because its really personal to me. There are a few that have heard it... but, I'm willing to share it all with you today.

Let me rewind a few years...

March of 2007... My ex husband and I were still married, although things were quite rocky and we had threatened each other in veiled attempts to solve things. I was working at a very large, local bank in the Broker Management department. I was still trying to lose weight. I also had started thinking very strongly about going back to school. 

My middle sister was pregnant with her first son, my third nephew. She asked if I wanted to be in the delivery room with her. Of course! I got the call she was in labor and we left work (my ex and I worked in the same office building). He stayed with me for a while, then left probably about 8pm. By this time, my sister had her epidural and was on pitocin. 

Well, at 5am when her hard labor started, her epidural had worn off. Needless to say, it was not a textbook delivery. I watched my baby sister go through things that made me want to do something. I had considered nursing previously, but that just enforced it for me. 

Come July, the first round of layoffs had already commenced at work. My workload was double what it was before; working sometimes from 7am to 7pm and then on the weekends from 7-1. It wasnt my dream life. I knew I wanted to go back to school by now and I knew I needed to, given the downturn at work and the way things were looking for the mortgage business in general. 

Now, everyone in my family was stoked to see the new Transformers movie. I, had to be pressured by my ex husband to go. We get there and all I am thinking for the week prior to the movie was, "what am I supposed to do? About school? About my marriage? About work?" I was petrified to leave my ex husband because he was making so much more money than I, I didnt think that I could make it on my own. I had prayed and prayed for a sign to let me know what road I should take. 

I don't know if you've ever had a movie that just resonated with something in you, something in your soul that you can't quite explain why. The movie that you remember exactly how you felt when you saw it the very first time, even though its now the hundredth time. Transformers was that movie for me. 

Why? Why such a silly movie?

Well, I'll break it down for you. Basically, what I took from the movie is this- No matter how deep you get yourself into trouble, fear, anything. . . there is ALWAYS a higher power looking out for you. Whether you want to relate that to God, or Optimus Prime is your ball game. For me, it was knowing that even though I might not see it, a helping hand would always be there for me. Always. 

When the second Transformers movie came out (yes, the really, really crappy one) I cried when Optimus died. Ask my friend that was with me. He told me to calm down. Its Optimus Prime! I wasnt necessarily crying at the fact that Optimus died, it was more for me the symbol of what he stood for to me that seemingly had disappeared. Spoiler alert- he's fine now. 

Optimus Prime has now become to me a symbol of... well, inspiration. He is always there whenever I need him... for instance, in August of 2009, I had surgery to remove cancer. When I was getting ready to go to the hospital, the shirt that I first grabbed was my Autobots shirt (yes, I'm that nerdy). The surgery went as planned and I'm good now. In March of this year when I was released from the hospital for this last illness, I asked my man to grab me a tshirt and boxers for me to wear home from the hospital, since I had been taken from work, all I had was my work stuff. He got there and you know what shirt he grabbed? The Autobots shirt. The same one that I wore to the hospital a few years ago. Sure, it could be strange coincidence but I like to think that if I have faith that things will work out, God will make sure they do. 

Now, that might sound like I'm putting faith in something that isnt real, something that isnt tangible. Its beyond that. I have a framed picture in my den that says "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". I have put all my faith in God that he will, in fact, take care of me. 

I just like to think of Optimus Prime as my guardian angel.