I had to actually accept there was a problem and as much as I wanted to be proud to be who I was, I knew I wasnt myself at that weight. I couldnt enjoy any of the things that I wanted. I kept thinking in my mind I was still the skinny person that used to do all the sports in high school, then I'd try. The fluff on the outside of me inhibited me from being active. Kind of like the kid in the heavy winter gear in "A Christmas Story" that gets all dressed up and then has to pee.
I've known drug addicts. I've known alcoholics. They have it easier, in some regard. The alcoholic I knew didnt keep any liquor at their house. The drug addict just stayed away from users to limit their contact. Guess what? I NEED my addiction. I need food to live. Which, really isnt fair sometimes. I can't escape the fact that I need food. I cannot just stop eating. I know its a really crappy saying, but it isnt fair. In my journey, I wished sometimes that it was as easy as just not buying any liquor or not being around other drug users.
I tried buying just healthy food. Tossing all the crap. Didnt work. You know why? If you limit yourself, tell yourself you can't have it... you get this insatiable craving for it. In turn, you end up eating an XXL size bag of peanut m&m's, alone. So, I've learned along the way not to deny myself any treats if I want them, but depending on how bad they are for me I limit my portion. Even if I wanted to try to convince myself that eating 86 cupcakes was somehow fulfilling... like my dad jokingly saying that those Chelada's are healthy; they have vitamin b (beer), tomatoes have lycopene and lime has vitamin c.
I've learned after many years of trial and error that if you deny yourself, it will just hurt you in the long run. I have a candy dish on my coffee table. 98% of the time, there is candy in there. My sister said to me once that she wouldnt be able to have one because she would sit and eat all the candy out of it until she yakked, or there was no candy. Whichever comes first. However, since its there in front of me doing everything but getting in my face screaming EAT ME!!! I dont want it as much. Why? Because I know its there. Does that make sense? Its like that blanket you carried around as a child. Did it really protect you from ghosts or space cowboys that came to steal your space cows in the middle of the night? No. But, you felt like it did because you put that power into it.
Food is a very powerful thing. It can symbolize so much. Think about it, if we all had birthday cake every day, it would make that cake on your actual birthday less special. If we all had steak and lobster every day, it would make those special occasions more like an occasion; dinner. So I ask you all to consider making one healthy change in your diet. Just one.
If you love fried chicken and want to try something new and a titch healthier...
Last night for dinner, I made one of our staple chicken recipes. It probably isnt the most healthy chicken recipe, but its so good. I take chicken thighs- bone in, skin on and place them on a rack that sits atop a foil lined pan. I season them with whatever suits my fancy for the day. Yesterday, it was Mrs. Dash Salt Free Lemon Pepper Seasoning. I place them bone up for 30 minutes in a 400 degree oven. Then, I turn them over, reseason and cook for 30 minutes, skin side up. The result? Chicken that tastes like it was fried, yet all the grease drips into the pan at the bottom. Bonus!
You don't have to eat the skin if you are cutting calories. The veggie last night was asparagus. I took it and put about two tablespoons of olive oil into a 9x13 dish, sprinkled salt on the asparagui and baked for the last half hour of the chicken.
Are you addicted to food? What's your ultimate "can't say no" food?
My mom would limit our fast food intake when we were little. This (of course) was a good thing. But growing up in a highly metropolitan area, fast food is everywhere. In the rare instance (about once every two weeks) that we did get to have it, she would order our food for us. If I wanted chicken nuggets, I got a plain burger. If I want the bacon cheeseburger, I got a plain burger. The only choice I got was whether I wanted Sprite or Pepsi. When I got my 4th job at age 16 at McDonald's, the gloves were freaking OFF! Every meal, every shift was what *I* wanted. She couldn't tell me to get a burger anymore, I had complete control! This didn't affect my health as much as one would think, I was still a very active teenager who walked to and from work each day. But as I grew, the dining out habit stayed, but my activity level diminished significantly as I progressed into the realm of the cubicle junkie. No longer did I burn more calories than I took in. And now I'm 90 pounds heavier than where I want to be. Fast food is my crutch. It's no longer a special treat, it just..."is."
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